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When it comes to dating tips for women, one size doesn’t fit all. A young woman in her teens or 20s dates A LOT differently than a woman in her 30s and 40s. And while most woman generally want the same outcome, there are certain things women in their 30s and 40s know about dating that they disregarded or simply didn’t focus as much on in their younger years.

That’s why we talked to some of today’s top dating experts to see what they saw as the most important advice women in their 30s and 40s dating today should think about. After going through what they had to say, we came up with these 15 top dating tips for women who are out of their 20s and ready for something more serious.

1. Know your non-negotiables.
These would be those instant deal breakers of yours—he’s a smoker, a non-monogamist, a cat-lover, etc.—that instantly tell you to move on so you’re not wasting your time. “What are those three things that are not negotiable when you’re looking for a relationship?” asked relationship expert Dr. Melanie Mills. “Try not to include physical or financial attributes. Focus on character traits, personality type, and value systems.”

2. Don’t limit yourself.
“In your 20s you might have frowned when thinking about dating a guy with a child or one that had previously been married,” says Mills. But the chances are, if a man is is his 40s, there’s a higher probability he’s been married or has kids. “Stay open to men that have been divorced,” she adds.

3. Don’t lie. Don’t even inflate the truth.
Sure, you want to impress each other, but honesty from the start is a prerequisite to trust, says psychotherapist, Dr. Jennifer Freed. “If the picture or description of your date was inaccurate then the rest of the relationship will be likely be filled with deceptions too.”

4. Forget about any texting and calling rules.
Rules like ‘wait 3 days to call back’ no longer apply. “If you treat dating and love like a game, someone—or both of you—will end up the loser,” says host of, The Rendezvous with Simon and Kim on iHeart Radio, Simon Marcel Badinter. “If you want to, call back in the next 24 hours. It has to be honest and spontaneous if you want to be respected and start a healthy relationship.”

5. Pay attention to the red flags.
You know that feeling you get when you know something isn’t quite right? If your date can’t answer simple questions about where he works or acts super shady, chances are something weird is going on. “Listen to what your gut is telling you,” says Mills. And that goes for behaviors too. If he’s already getting on your nerves and it’s only the first date that’s another indicator that you’re just not going to work.

6. Know who you are as a person.
This is a complex one but necessary to surviving in a rapid dating world, says sex and relationship expert, Dr. Nikki Goldstein. “Building strength and self-confidence is key. The reality of it is, dating can be hard and feelings can be hurt. But if you know who you are and how you want to be treated then you won’t allow someone (or the dating scene) to continually hurt or discourage you.”

7. Be emotionally available.
Maybe your past relationships haven’t turned out like you wanted them to, or you feel like every date in the past month was a lemon. Well, get over it. “It’s still up to you to open your heart—and keep it open. This can be scary because you don’t want to get hurt. However, in order to grow and connect, you must be available and vulnerable,” says Mills.

8. Watch the alcohol.
Especially on date number one. Not only can getting drunk be risky and a turnoff, it also clouds your judgement. “Using substances like alcohol or drugs is not a good first date. It’s away to avoid a genuine connection,” says Freed.

9. Remember that dating is an exploration.
Dating should be fun and nothing more than a way to meet and get to know another person, who may or may not be fit to share your life with you. “[Dating] is not a commitment. There is no obligation involved with dating. No one owes anyone anything ever,” says Freed. It’s easy to get excited about someone and start planning your future together, but remember that you’re both just figuring out if you even like each other first. Don’t put pressure on things by feeling like you owe each other something, you don’t.

10. Know your sexual boundaries.
“Many women can confuse sex and sexual desires with a guy’s interest in them. He wants sex, she also wants sex but thinks him wanting sex means there is something more,” says Goldstein. “Explore your sexual boundaries and know where they are and why they’re there.” And, even more importantly, don’t let yourself be pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do just because you want to gain someone’s interest.

11. Don’t hide your enthusiasm or interest.
One of the dating tips for women we hear a lot is not to let a man know you like him, or to play hard to get. Well, that’s just wrong. Sure, a little mystery may be sexy in the beginning, but the game gets old fast. Even research shows that playing too much hard-to-get makes others like you less. At a certain point, you just have to let the man know you’re interested.

12. Be the date that you want to have.
It’s not only your date’s responsibility to make the date a success, it’s your responsibility too. “Engage in dialogue. Put the cell phone away. Be attentive. Ask questions. Don’t bring up your ex. Take an interest in the details of his life by listening, paraphrasing, and engaging,” says Mills.

13. Ditch the dating wish list.
Have your non-negotiables and boundaries, but dating with a strict itemized wish list—he must make this much, be this tall, drive this car, be this funny—will only hold you back from men who could be great for you in real life and limit you to men who only look good on paper, says Goldstein. “If you need a wish list it should be small and include feeling words instead of car makes and job titles,” she adds.

14. Have fun and release the pressure.
It’s normal to feel pressure as you watch your friends get married and have children, but remember that every person’s path is different. “You don’t want to settle down with a guy who’s not right for you. Therefore, release the pressure you place on yourself to lock down your next date as your future husband. Take each date one date at a time and have fun,” says Mills.

15. Be your true self.
Any falseness or pretending will stop you from knowing that someone is into you. “If you’re real, you’ll get real results. Be brave, be true, and most of all, believe that someone will celebrate and desire you,” says Freed.

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The older you are, the harder dating typically seems. For those who are newly single, it might be hard getting back in the dating pool—the whole dating game has changed so much since the last time you were here. But when milestones like marriage and children are no longer the standard goal, dating and the act of meeting new people is a whole different ball game. And in a lot of ways, it can be a lot more fun.

There are many advantages to dating single women over 50. Even if nothing romantic springs from a date with a woman who’s older, she may still turn into a fun contact for social events and a good friend who you can have a great time with.

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Here are some things to know about single women over 50:

They might not be looking for true love.
Women at this stage often have never married for certain reasons (like a busy career) or have separated from their partner due to death or divorce. It’s very possible they don’t want to start over again, nor do they want to be swept off their feet.

All they want is someone to see a movie with, and chat about it afterward with a glass of wine. Age doesn’t necessarily predict what each woman wants, but for many, the idea of starting over from scratch just seems tiresome and unnecessary. So if you’re looking for a social companion, a woman over 50 might be a great match.

They’re often very self-sufficient.
If they’ve been single for awhile, they’ll be the most independent women you’ll ever meet. They know how to work and manage a household all by themselves. And even better, they’re happy with the arrangement. Here’s why—if they’ve chosen to never get married or have kids, they’ve had to handle the, “Won’t you have any regrets?” question from people who straight up think being single in your 50s is an irresponsible choice. But, these women know what kind of lifestyle they prefer, and are out to prove that there’ll be no regrets.

They have a solid friend group.
A single woman in her 50s is only alone if she personally chooses to be. Typically, she’ll busy her schedule with activities she enjoys. And she’s likely made a few lifelong friends as well. She’s probably in a book club, or goes out to eat with buddies at least once a week to chat and spend time together. She’s not afraid of being social, and might introduce you to a few good people if you get to know her.

They have realistic views on marriage.
Nobody goes into a marriage thinking they’ll get divorced. Their love is the type that’ll last forever—until it doesn’t. If this woman in her 50s is divorced, she knows that Prince Charming isn’t necessarily going to knock on her door and save her from life’s biggest responsibilities. She believes in forming true connections with people, but isn’t necessarily in a rush to replace her husband. In fact, it’s possible she’s not even into the idea of marriage anymore. Some people get married since it’s what they’re expected to do—maybe she figured out that’s not for her and is looking to play the field.

They know what’s actually important on a daily basis.
As women get older, they realize time is limited. So, they focus on the details that matter. A woman in her 20s might be absolutely embarrassed to leave the house without makeup. A woman in her 50s, however, has less to prove. She’s over putting all of her focus on appearance and would rather be on time for her doctor’s appointment than waste minutes looking for spare mascara. She doesn’t feel as if the world’s judging her if she accidentally forgot to swap our her flats for heels, and isn’t afraid to value comfort over high fashion.

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Their idea of close family often includes friends, neighbors, and pets.
If they haven’t built a family of their own that includes a husband and kids, they’ve built a solid network of friends, supporters, animals, and neighbors. Plus, just because a woman is childless herself doesn’t mean she doesn’t consider her sister’s teens like her own. Her idea of family is a little less traditional, but that means she gets invited to no less than three Thanksgiving dinners every year. And she probably tries to attend all of them—or at least FaceTime every group to wish them a happy holiday.

They’ve seen every trick in the book.
Really—if you hang out with a single woman in her 50s and you’re not your genuine self, she’ll be able to figure that out within seconds. Women in general have a wonderful intuition, and if a woman in her 50s has been single for long enough, she’s pretty much seen all types of men and women cross her path. Just be yourself, and it’ll go a long way. Even better, if your history isn’t one you’re not happy with (say, two failed marriages) she’ll be more receptive and understanding if you’re open about it.

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They understand how to balance everything in life.
There’s a reason why you don’t often see 50-year-old women hanging out in their parent’s basement. Like the rest of us, they’ve grown up and learned how to support themselves. Whether or not they’re single by choice, widowed, or divorced, they take care of the bills by themselves. And that means they’ve got the drive to get promoted to that better title, and aren’t afraid to put the extra time in over the weekend to finish that big report. Single women over 50 find a way to balance all of life’s responsibilities, and they still have time left over to pursue their own hobbies.

They might be a little stubborn.
Wouldn’t you be? When you depend on yourself, you have certain ways you like to do things. A woman in her 50s will probably be open to fun dating activities and unique ways to connect, but they might not like your brand new way of cooking ham on Christmas, or other methods of cleaning, organization, and general living. It’s a comfort issue. Humans like to have rituals, and those become a lot harder to change as we get older.

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They’re more attracted to your heart than your looks.
As we all age, things… happen. It doesn’t mean that humans stop being attractive as the years go by, but bodies naturally change with time. You can’t expect to look 20 when you’re 50. A single woman in her 50s and beyond is well aware of this, and doesn’t expect you to have rock hard abs either. The things they’re attracted to are the kind things you’ve done, and the amazing skills you possess. Pretty much, they’re into what you’re actually like, and not the fact that you have a gym membership.

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There’s a ton of benefits to being with a single woman in her 50s. If you’re asked out by a woman who’s older, or perhaps want to spark up a friendship with an older woman who lives alone, just know that these days, 50 isn’t old. She’s at an age where she’s lived a pretty rewarding life so far, but she’s still eager to see what’s ahead.

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